Day 318

Since.

It's been 318 days since my last surgery, the fourth of the 539 days of active treatment.

My first was supposed to be my last.

Seated in the first of a parade of windowless exam rooms, I talked through the options with my breast surgeon. Because I was diagnosed in 2021, patients and physicians were still masking because of the Covid-19 pandemic, so, fun fact, I would not reliably recognized most of the people who saved my life. In my mind the nurses; radiologist; surgeons (times three); radiation oncologist; oncologist; mammography, CT, MRI, bone scan, and radiation techs; phlebotomists; patient transporters; infusion nurses; and assistants of all kinds were a series of eyes, explaining hard things to eyes too full to take them in.

Eyes full of tears. Full of children they were desperate to memorize - just in case. Full of envelopes with cellophane windows and account numbers. Full of lists of dos, don'ts, and risk factors. Full of laundry and piles and piles and piles of things I can't put away right now.

The windowless rooms are decorated in colors designed to calm. Soothing seaside palettes easing the newly diagnosed. The chairs in these rooms are utterly square, side by side, solidly holding up bodies. One for me, one for him. Both of us gripped by the words filtering through the mask.

Here is the plan…

Here is step one…

This will reduce your chance of recurrence by such and such percent…

Complete with a helpful diagram. 

Mastectomy. Left side. Hormone therapy. Life going on. I am going to need a week off. Maybe two. It's going to be a rough summer, but in six weeks, I will be back. I will probably be able to make that August dissertation deadline.

Here's the plan. Step one.

I broke my foot on a single step once. Cracked the navicular bone in my right foot right in half stepping off one six inch step wrong. Two screws. Non-weight bearing for six weeks. I got a knee scooter with roller-blade wheels and a scar that looks like a zipper.

This time got 489 days to my plan.

I filed for an extension on that dissertation.